Jason,
I missed writing on the 7th of June as I had planned to, as it was the 5th anniversary of my very first message to you on myspace since you were killed in 2006...but as we both know...LIFE doesn't always work out as we plan...you were planning on being in Canada for Memorial Day Weekend and having a blast with your friends Chris and "the driver"...yeah, NO, I still won't mention his name in print any more than I already have in a previous blog post...but instead, you and Chris were killed a car crash because somebody was being a selfish reckless ASSHOLE behind the wheel of your car...
gambling and drinking legally has it's priorities I guess, even now and at the expense of 2 LIVES OF FRIENDS...although, now it's a moot point because he is old enough to drink and gamble and drive drunk legally if he so chooses...because despite the loss of an arm...HE GOT OLDER AND IS STILL ALIVE...so you can understand perfectly why he would change his myspace screen name to...Age is just a number...Until you get old and DIE...
YEAH I AM STILL ANGRY WITH HIM AND I WON'T "GET OVER IT"...I KNOW IT'S WASTED ENERGY AND YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO BE THIS WAY THE REST OF MY LIFE...BUT I DON'T SEE ME CHANGING THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU BEING KILLED...EVER...
I STILL CRY thinking of you or sometimes sharing a story of you I get teary eyed or suppress a wave of EMOTION every now and again...I do have a TREMENDOUS SUPPORT SYSTEM with my Compassionate Facebook Friends and for them I am truly grateful...they step in where friends and family CAN'T OR WON'T GO WITH ME...THEY UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THAT THIS IS ME NOW...THEY DON'T TRY TO CHANGE ME EVEN IF WE DISAGREE ON A WIDE VARIETY OF TOPICS...THEY ARE FRIENDS...ALWAYS
I missed the 7th because as you know, I had a car crash of my very own on April 14, 2011...I'm sure the date is familiar to you as it WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR 27TH BIRTHDAY...
I have been in considerable constant pain on and off ever since and sitting /standing and walking for long periods are not very comfortable for me these days...I find myself reviewing mine and then comparing yours to mine and wonder about the what ifs and how it felt as it happened in both our cases...but I don't linger long on these thoughts...part of "the process" I suppose...or just plain being human...and yes, I do consider the possibility of you surviving instead of DYING...especially when people say you aren't in pain or you aren't suffering...NO SHIT !?!...
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU ARE IN A "BETTER PLACE" WITH SOME ALMIGHTY BEING...A BETTER PLACE IS IN MY FACE OR ARMS OR BY MY SIDE JASON...NOT DEAD...
I see people with their children today and just want to smack the shit out of them for the way they treat them...and take the child with me...especially the "father" who makes a fist and shakes it in the face of his 2-3 year old son because he started to whine in the supermarket...or the "mother" who tells her 7 year old daughter she's gonna kick the shit out of her when they get home as they exit a store in a bigger hurry than "mom" intended...or the "dad" who treats his son as a personal slave and then calls him pathetic at the top of his lungs...in front of a crowd of people...then there are the "parents" who are chloroforming their children and throwing them out quite literally like so much trash...these people are chasing or THROWING THEIR CHILDREN AWAY and ALL I WANT IS TO HAVE YOU BACK IN MY LIFE VERY MUCH ALIVE WITH OR WITHOUT "ISSUES"...
at the very least they are most certainly KILLING any and ALL chances at maintaining a "reasonably healthy" relationship with their own flesh and blood in the future and it just makes no kind of SENSE to me...I know it would be a colossal waste of time and energy trying to explain to these ASSHOLES that if their kids disappeared from their lives FOREVER they would NOT be happy for the rest of their lives...but they will NEVER GET IT until their children DIE and that will be too late...and this is what leads me to believe THERE IS NO GOD...
I LOVE YOU JASON AND I MISS VERY MUCH EVERY SINGLE DAY AND WILL FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
LOVE DAD
