a Father's grief

When Jason died on May 26, 2006...a very large part of me died with him. Make no mistake, Jason was no saint or next in line to any god you may or may not believe in...he IS my son...he was a good (mostly) boy and a good man...meaning he never intentionally hurt anyone, he was kind/ helpful/thoughtful and fun loving...he had a quick /easy smile and a great sense of humor...I was there for most of his firsts walking/talking/bike riding...as I worked nights so I could watch him during the day or make sure he got off to daycare/school and after school...

What I hope to accomplish with this site is a means to share and show that men/fathers have feelings, thoughts and emotions before during and after a child is born, lives and dies. While I am aware and utilize such sites as The Compassionate Friends site I feel a need for a place of my own. I am grateful to them for the many wonderful services and information sharing they provide. I am not in any competition with any group/person or organization. My sole purpose is to give myself and possibly others a forum to be heard and the chance to engage in reasonably intelligent discussion about the feelings thoughts and emotions of a grieving parent, gender is insignificant. It's the expression of the devastating effect caused by a child dying no matter the cause or age.

In Jason's case he was going to spend a Memorial Day Weekend in Canada with friends...He did everything by the numbers, meaning he was driving, they stopped to eat and being tired he gave the keys to his car to a friend who was too impatient to get to their destination. The need to drink and gamble legally must have been too overpowering as he sped his way toward the Canadian border of New York state. The 1998 Toyota Camry left the highway in Plattsburgh climbed the embankment went airborne and slammed into the overpass at exit 38N. It landed upside down under the overpass after Chris (Jason's friend who couldn't drive) was ejected from the back seat killing him instantly. Jason was strapped into the passenger seat. "The driver" lost his right arm and broke bones in his neck, yet he survived. He has a LIFE. We are trying to hold on to some semblance of one.

That's basically what this page is about...so...


If you wish to preach/pontificate or try to get me or anyone to conform to your ideology religious or political FORGET IT !
I will not tolerate infighting or grandstanding. We CAN agree to disagree but personal/ political or religious attacks will not be permitted. We are here to share our pain and lend support, share a thought or bring a smile to someone's day.

I hope this helps us all.
Thank You
jj

TWO DOWNSTATE MEN KILLED

Jaime Longueira Saturday, April 07, 2007

TWO DOWNSTATE MEN KILLED IN NORTHWAY CRASH ...

Current mood: indescribable

Two downstate men were killed and another was critically injured Friday night when their car crashed on the Adirondack Northway 20 year-old Raymond Parilla of Brooklyn was driving northbound near exit 38 at an excessive speed when he lost control of the car at about 8:30 p.m., according to a state police press release.The car went off the east side of the roadway and overturned before coming to rest, nearly wedged between an embankment and the exit 38 overpass. Two passengers in the car, 22-year-old Jason Longueira of Lindenhurst and 21-year-old Christopher Godek of Astoria, were both pronounced dead at the scene. Parilla was taken to CVPH Medical Center then transferred to Fletcher Allen Health Care in Burlington, Vt., where he was listed in critical condition...

2 LIVES ENDED THAT NIGHT...FRIDAY MAY 26, 2006...

COUNTLESS OTHERS CHANGED FOREVER...

This is SUPPOSED to happen to SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILDREN...NOT MINE !!!...GODDAMN IT!!!...

Well, I guess I was always WRONG on that one huh?...MY SON WAS KILLED...HE DIED WITH HIS FRIEND...HIS OTHER FRIEND WAS DRIVING...HIS CAR...In the past I would hear from someone that so and so "lost" their son/daughter in a car crash...the first time it was a classmate who "lost" his sister...I knew them both...not close friends but people I knew...neighbors schoolmates, classmate...even then at that age...about 12 years old, I understood his family and he were never going to be the same again...NOT EVER AGAIN...THE SAME...

now it's almost 40 years later and it's MY LIFE THAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN...NOT EVER...and yet, I am thinking of my classmate...and his sister who was KILLED NOT "LOST" in a car crash...JEANIE AND BRIAN'S LIVES ARE ALSO CHANGED...FOREVER...what makes this so unbearably DIFFICULT to say the very LEAST...is the fact that Chris and Jason didn't get sick or injured for an extended period of time or suffering some long term illness that DEATH was to be the EXPECTED outcome...THEY WERE GOING AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND!...THEY WERE PLANNING ON COMING HOME SOON!!...

Two passengers in the car, were killed and another was critically injured...when their car crashed... Those left living with this news...overturned with grief and sadness...the pain continues...the friends and families of these 3 young men continue on as best they can to make life a little more meaningful...a little less sad and painful...we will continue with EVERYONE ELSE'S BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES AND HOLIDAYS WITH GROWING FAMILIES...the PAINFULL PART WILL NOT LESSEN...EVER...we will just make it fit into our everyday lives and PRETEND we can be "MORE COMFORTABLE " WITH ALL THIS...but we know that we CAN'T...NONE OF US CAN...we can only mark BIRTHDAYS FOR THOSE WHO WON'T GROW OLDER ANYMORE...ANNIVERSARIES OF HOW LONG THEY ARE DEAD...and MOURN the FACT THAT THEY WILL NEVER HAVE FAMILIES OF THEIR OWN...this is the part of all this that is SENSELESS...NONE OF THIS HAD TO BE...BUT IT IS NOW OUR REALITY...22-year-old Jason Longueira of Lindenhurst and 21-year-old Christopher Godek of Astoria, were both pronounced dead at the scene...

yet, very much ALIVE in our HEARTS and in our HEADS...

WE LIVE TO HONOR AND REMEMBER YOU

JASON LONGUEIRA and CHRISTOPHER GODEK

Jaime Longueira Monday, April 23, 2007

LIFE'S TOO SHORT...

Current mood: grateful

Category: Life

We love Jason, in different ways of course, we each deal with this on our own individual levels. In our hearts and minds he cannot be replaced or forgotten. There will always be a part of us that belongs to him alone. I am in a different time of life than all of you. I am coming to understand more fully how one life truly does affect so many others...

My concern for you his friends, is how deep the impact of his death will affect all of you . No matter how a relationship develops it is always preceded with the passing of past relationships. With any luck we take what we have learned from prior relationships and apply that to make the newer ones better and stronger. Your time with Jason formed a bond and memories that belong to just you and him...

Comparing relationships is not a recommended practice for anyone, being told I am like or not like the person that came before me never really sat well with me. Comparing the idea or ideals of persons that have gone before just isn't fair. I hope you are strong enough to keep things in their proper perspective. Jason would want for you no matter what, to live your life and not let anything get in the way of your happiness...

As we all move forward with our lives developing new relationships or holding on to good, strong old ones, we must not spend the remainder of our time chasing ghosts or expecting anyone to live up to the images we romantically apply to those who are gone...

Instead, we must be GRATEFUL and SHOW it to those who are still here... because as my Uncle Sal used to say...LIFE'S TOO SHORT..as we all can now see...HE WAS RIGHT...

SAL MOLLICA

JAMES LONGUEIRA

JASON LONGUEIRA

3 MEN WHO TAUGHT ME MORE ABOUT LIFE THAN ANYONE

THANK YOU

AND

I LOVE YOU ALL