7.07.2011 the socialization/religion and politics of grief...
so...you have a friend/relative/new acquaintance that has suddenly "become" a grieving parent...and you "don't always feel comfortable being around them"...you want to say or do something that will be SO "magical or miracle inducing" that they will "heal completely from the knowledge of having a child die and all their pain/anguish and suffering" will vanish in the blink of an eye because YOU willed it or prayed for it or wished for it with "all your heart"....if it makes YOU "uncomfortable" THINK HOW WE PROBABLY FEEL...you're right...YOU CAN'T IMAGINE...
in YOUR mind god or who or whatever is SO much more powerful than any HUMAN emotion and can easily be vanquished or put aside or asunder if you will...by merely asking "him/it/them for help and guidance...while it's a lovely HUMAN(E) THOUGHT...it is NOT a REALITY for a good number of "US"...
NOTICE I AM NOT SAYING MOST OR ALL OF US...JUST "A GOOD NUMBER" OF US...
some of us have or had "faith" of some kind or another and some of us have "lost" questioned or NEVER had any at all...
NOBODY WANTS this pain and we ALL wish there were a "MAGIC" bullet /cure/fix...but there is NONE...and this is the reality we have to live with every single day...if there were a "power switch" to turn it off and on I don't know ANYBODY who would want to turn it back on once we got "it" turned off...
I have heard from various people during the course of my entire lifetime that you can choose the mood you are in or as in certain programs change your "stinking thinking" and feel better about yourself/your situation/your life in general...and yes...there are times and situations it can and has worked in...however, there are times when even the most "Pollyanna" attitude can't even come close to helping or effecting a change...trying to explain to others that this is beyond our scope of reasoning is sometimes the same as fighting this emotion roller coaster/tsunami of sadness and despair...
you try standing at the water's edge on a beach with a broom and sweep the waves back into the ocean when the sea is calm...then try doing the same thing when tidal waves are coming at you at 100 miles an hour...our "problem" is we never know when it hits whether it's gonna be a few drops that can be swept into the sand to dissipate and dry or 100 foot high waves that will consume and sweep away ourselves/our town and all our town-folk...there are times when:
THERE JUST IS NO HIGHER GROUND
WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST WHEN IT'S YOUR TURN AT THE SHORELINE? PRAY?
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT...
SPEAKING FOR MYSELF ALONE:
SPEAKING OF RELIGION IS ABSOLUTELY OF NO HELP TO ME...
IT ONLY FRUSTRATES BOTH OF US AND CAN SOMETIMES INFURIATE ME TO MADE TO THINK SOME "OTHER WORLDLY" DEITY IS IN CONTROL OF THE FACT THAT JASON WAS KILLED AND DID NOTHING TO PREVENT IT AND EVERYTHING TO CAUSE IT JUST TO TEACH ME A LESSON AND THAT "HIS PLAN" IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN JASON'S LIVING HIS LIFE TO A RIPE OLD AGE...
HEY "GOD"...FUCK YOU!!!...
"the rest of us" are STUCK with unanswered questions family and friends that disappear all on their own or just lose the ability to speak to you or interact with you on ANY social level...when YOUR CHILD DIES...it's not really any ONE person's fault...it's society in general and the way we all go about our daily lives...it's what we ALL really want...is to go about OUR lives...untouched/unscathed and devoid of tragic death...so we ignore the pain of others as best we can and when we can't shut it off we do our best to avoid it completely...we act on the concept of if we all just choose to we can just plain...
IGNORE IT AND IT WILL GO AWAY...but some of us don't have that "luxury" because for "us" it is OUR REALITY AND THAT REALITY IS JUST TOO REAL FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD...so we turn to "our own kind" those who are "just like us"...and we "become" a part of EACH OTHER...we understand what remains unspoken...we know the words we mean to say...we "HEAR THE WORDS UNSPOKEN"...we "SEE" what others don't want to or can't...THE PAIN IN OUR HEARTS...
WE HOLD ON TO EACH OTHER WHEN EVERYONE ELSE WALKS OR RUNS AWAY...
WE ARE...GRIEVING PARENTS...IT'S WHO WE ARE...IT'S WHAT WE DO...
FEW OF US ARE LUCKY TO HAVE A SPOUSE/PARTNER THAT REMAINS...ONE THAT SEES AND HEARS AND SUFFERS AS WE DO...AND DOES NOT THINK OF LEAVING TO GO IT ALONE OR WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHO ISN'T ALSO GRIEVING...
ALL WE WANT IS TO BE ACCEPTED JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE...
in this "politically correct" world we are trying to create EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE SEEN AND HEARD AND LOVED...NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND...WE ARE ALL INCLUSIVE BECAUSE...THIS IS NOT A DISEASE...WE ARE CHALLENGED...JUST LIKE THOSE WITH SPECIAL NEEDS OR DISABILITIES...WE CAN'T HELP IT...THIS IS WHO WE ARE AND WE HAVE NO CURE...
we may not socialize the way we used to...we may not speak the way we used to...we may be quicker to anger than we were before...BUT WE CANNOT ALWAYS HELP IT...WE ARE "DIFFERENT" NOW...
but we need to be...
ACCEPTED FOR WHO WE ARE...
NOW...NO EXCEPTIONS...NO APOLOGIES...
NO OTHER EXPECTATIONS...
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