What I know, I know because I have seen and heard and felt...what I have seen and heard can not always be believed...what I have felt may have not always been right...what I believe is NOT for EVERYONE...it is FOR ME...
All my life I have tried to understand different points of view on any given topic and seen where any two people can reach an impasse...from where I sit intelligent people can agree to disagree...that does not mean that everyone with an opposing viewpoint or any viewpoint for that matter is intelligent...I RESPECT THAT...
SEX - RELIGION AND POLITICS...used to be the 3 things you never discuss in public...
POLITICS:
these days EVERYONE is screaming about politics...no matter which party you belong to the general consensus no matter who's in charge is : the current elected official nitwits in charge can easily lead to the end of the world or civilization as we know it...if the world ends what difference does it make who did it?...it's not like there will be time enough for someone to say "see, I told you he/she/they were going to destroy the planet !"...this world has seen so many pharaohs /emperors/kings/ presidents/prime ministers and dictators come and go and nobody got it right enough for the whole world to live in peace...MAN hasn't gotten this concept quite right yet...so, STOP SCREAMING AT ME LIKE I CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY !...
I can see we don't always agree on everything...I RESPECT THAT...
the world is gonna end SOME DAY...I can't spend every waking moment worrying about the when and how because I KNOW I am not smart enough to stop it or fix it....I CAN and WILL help whenever/ wherever possible...
BUT...if you're looking to ME to save the planet ALONE...go look at someone else, 'cause I'm too busy with ME right now....
RELIGION:
these days EVERYONE is screaming about religion..much like politics is a concept with MANY DIFFERENT points of view... MAN has prayed to rocks/ trees /the sun /the moon/ shooting stars/rain/ wind/snow and fire...there might even be a hamster in Chicago some man is praying to right now for all we know...but I digress...after a while MAN decided he needed to be in groups that all did the same thing and thought the same things...so he started telling stories of adventures him and his pals had while traveling far and drinking and eating and smoking all kinds of delicious and strange and wondrous stuff...it didn't matter how true or false any of these stories were it was the excitement and response that he got from those who would listen...
each story needed a figure to lead groups through each of these amazing stories...these leaders soon were capable of doing the most impossible feats and were endowed with a mystical title to go along with their extraordinary powers...they became known as gods...because there were so many the g remained small for thousands of years...interesting though, they all seemed to appear more human or half human half creature depending on their abilities...for the most part...
MAN made THEM in HIS OWN image...
sometimes they walked among those who told the stories or those the stories were about but they were not always earthbound entities...these gods just like political positions were formed from another...concept...they were not only given the ability to take charge from the ground but they were also able to control some things from above...lots of people began to BELIEVE in these great and terrible creations known as gods even if they have never seen one personally...few ever got to meet any of them face to face and yet they were the ones responsible for how the world worked...for a time...
and then one day a great and wondrous thing happened...
I think it was sometime around the year 1 the first day of the rest of history around noon...maybe 11:30...
all at once all around the world people got an idea that there can be only be one great and wise DEITY that everyone should BELIEVE in...
the only problem is none of these folks were all in the same place and they didn't have cell phones or video conferencing yet...so none of them knew they had each picked a...
DIFFERENT DEITY AND GAVE IT A DIFFERENT NAME and MAN made THEM in HIS OWN image...
next thing you know, word of all these new and diverse folk with THEIR own view of what's right & wrong and good or bad...this lead to lots of bickering and infighting because some were not willing to accept or BELIEVE in the other guy's deity...and men being men decided to solve things the way men always did...they waged wars over who's ALL POWERFUL KNOWING BEING is bigger and better....and the battle continues...STOP SCREAMING AT ME LIKE I CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY !...
I AM NOT FIGHTING FOR ANY DEITY REAL OR IMAGINED...
I AM FIGHTING FOR MY SANITY AND MYSELF...
TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD AND NOT GETTING CAUGHT UP IN OTHER PEOPLE'S BULLSHIT....
RELIGIOUS OR POLITICAL...
I DON'T WANT OR NEED AN ARMY BEHIND OR IN FRONT OF ME...
I can see we don't always agree on everything...I RESPECT THAT...
SEX:
these days EVERYONE is screaming about sex...NOT ONE OF US WOULD BE HERE WITHOUT IT !!!...most of us can, will or have enjoyed it...hopefully ALL of US... ALL 3 in the FUTURE...again, another topic another...concept...
however, this one leads to so many other concept(ions)...not everyone views this aspect of the human condition in the EXACT SAME WAY !...thankfully !!...
there are people who CAN'T enjoy it or TALK about it and yet WANT to change everyone else's view to match THEIR OWN WAY OF THINKING...this too is not gonna happen anytime soon worldwide...AGAIN thankfully...I RESPECT THAT...
some of us willing to share our thoughts, learned experiences (good and bad) and concepts with others...along with our bodies...and or specific parts...we do NOT all like & dislike the same thing as everyone else...
SEX is something that is experienced on a singular/ individual level even with a willing and able partner...men and women feel the mechanics and emotions of sex DIFFERENT FROM EACH OTHER...not ALL men will feel the exact same way for the duration and at the same points and NEITHER WILL WOMEN ALL FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME AT THE SAME TIME...
as long as ALL participants AGREE on what can and can NOT be done during any given session and no one is PERMANENTLY INJURED OR DISFIGURED...then have all the FUN you can because...
I BELIEVE THAT IS THE REASONS I HAVE SEX...FOR THE FUN OF IT...
I COULD BE WRONG ABOUT YOU SO I WON'T GUESS HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT OR TELL YOU HOW YOU SHOULD FEEL ABOUT IT....
I can see we don't always agree on everything...I RESPECT THAT...
My son Jason is DEAD...
I UNDERSTAND that...I don't WANT to ACCEPT that EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY...
I CAN'T imagine him in some golden palace or castle with wings and a halo where the streets are made of gold and every sky is blue with white puffy clouds and rainbows everywhere you look...I CAN'T see him surrounded by a chorus of angels and little cherubs with harps and always smiling and having a good time UNTIL...
He looks DOWN (?) and sees ME and how VERY SAD I am that he is not physically here with me to hold/hug and kiss sing and dance with or just sit and talk like we used to when he was ALIVE...
I try to be realistic and see what is real...for ME...god and heaven are not REAL...they are a concept I am NOT willing to embrace...I don't feel a NEED to convert ANYONE to my way of thinking because it works only for ME...I try to live in the REAL world...one where you can see/ feel /hear/ touch and taste all there is in this world...I am NOT however, opposed to the concept of different worlds or planes of existence or dimensions beyond what we know as humans...
I BELIEVE WE ARE ENERGY AND SO IS OUR LIFE FORCE OR SPIRIT AND IT NEEDS TO GO ON...SOMEWHERE...SINCE ENERGY IS INFINITE...YOU DON'T HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT...I DON'T NEED YOU TO BELIEVE THAT...
I have had well meaning FAMILY and FRIENDS AND STRANGERS talk of god & heaven and better places and plans that an almighty has FOR ME AND JASON that doesn't need to be explained to SIMPLE MINDED ME...at least not while I'm ALIVE...see because once...
I'M DEAD TOO I WILL BE HAPPY JASON WAS KILLED BECAUSE THEN I WILL SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE, THE GRAND PLAN THE WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO CALL IT...I NEED TO LIVE THIS MISERY EVERY DAY SO I CAN BECOME A BETTER PERSON...WHEN I'M DEAD !...
oh...yeah...that makes PERFECT SENSE TO ME !...NOT !!!...I KNOW...I GET TOO EMOTIONAL ABOUT THIS DON'T I ?...yeah, you're right I need to "let it go" and "Let go let god"..."don't dwell on Jason being dead so much"..."it's not healthy"...
okay, I see it now, it's getting clearer for me...what I REALLY NEED to do is NOT mention his name EVER AGAIN...if someone else does I should change the subject immediately before anyone has a FEELING....and if I feel the NEED TO CRY I should slam my head against a wall to stop whatever thought is making me SAD because Jason is DEAD...then I should pray the rosary 3 times and face mecca while rocking backward and forward...then I can sit cross legged on the floor and stand on my head to reach a heightened spiritual awareness !...
I've BEEN in THERAPY before and after and yes it helps tremendously...it just doesn't cure this what do you call it?....
GRIEF !...I AM NOW AND ALWAYS WILL BE A GRIEVING/BEREAVED PARENT...
STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THAT...
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T !!!...
WHAT I DO AND HOW I DO IT CONCERNING MY GRIEF PROCESS FOR THE DEATH OF MY ONLY BIOLOGICAL SON IS WHAT I SEE IS RIGHT FOR ME YOU DON'T HAVE TO JOIN ME...
I can see we don't always agree on everything...I RESPECT THAT...I NEED YOU TO RESPECT ME !!!...
I TRY NOT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS DON'T HURT MINE...
YOU WANT TO HELP GIVE ME A HUG...IF YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME AND RESPECT HOW I FEEL DON'T TRY...GO AWAY...
IN YOUR OPINION AM DOING THIS ALL WRONG?....
okay, I'll make you deal...I'll listen to you and take EVERYTHING YOU SAY and try to apply it to MY LIFE...just as soon as one of YOUR KIDS IS DEAD and YOU have GOTTEN OVER IT...
THEN YOU CAN GIVE ME YOUR EXPERT ADVICE...DEAL?
I can see we don't always agree on everything...I RESPECT THAT...I NEED YOU TO RESPECT ME !!!...
DEAL?...
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