JASON ANTHONY LONGUEIRA DIED (4.14.84-5.26.06)
11 YEARS AGO THIS VERY WEEKEND TO THE DAY
EXPECTATIONS when a child is born and LIVES, the expectations are they will thrive and grow into fully functioning, fully formed, reasonably rational adults...parents of said child (one would hope) nurture and support and guide them through their early life decisions to make more informed choices and achieve some greater degree of success and happiness...
EXPECTATIONS are they are LOVED and CARED for by those around them throughout their lifetime...friends/family/teachers etc...as they grow EXPECTATIONS are that they make a LIFE for themselves beyond their parents sphere of influence and capabilities...but remain engaged on healthy levels of social interaction and family responsibilities...
EXPECTATIONS are the child goes on to learn in school and socialization with friends about caring and sharing, being there to help each other in times of need as well as in the day to day mundaneness of life...
EXPECTATIONS are that as we all grow there will be joy/sadness/love and loss...we learn to accept that LIFE is sometimes UNFAIR and seemingly sometimes downright CRUEL...as are people we meet along the way of our individual LIFE JOURNEY...
EXPECTATIONS and things are not always what they seem...sometimes friends/family become enemies and enemies become friends and family...some people expect unconditional love and loyalty from the instant they meet someone until death...some people expect they will never meet anyone of substance or the ability to instill faith/trust and hope of any sort of future...some people expect to die at a ripe old age and surrounded by friends and family and some people expect to die alone and miserable...
EXPECTATIONS are the child will LIVE LONG AND PROSPER...hopefully become independent and self sufficient and perhaps one day be there to care for the parents in old age or at the very least have an everlasting relationship built on mutual LOVE and RESPECT...one where they continue to share their lives as parent/child/friend and confidant...
EXPECTATIONS are unreliable creatures and are easily DASHED and DESTROYED from their very existence quite handily when the child DIES...
EXPECTATIONS DIE as quickly as the CHILD...
EXPECTATIONS VANISH INTO DUST...
you can NEVER expect to see the CHILD again walk through a door/smile and say hello/have a conversation with or share a hug or handshake...
you can NEVER again expect personal achievements such as graduations/great new jobs/engagements/weddings/starting or maintaining a family of their own...
EXPECTATIONS are you will feel the PAIN and HEARTACHE of the LOSS of YOUR CHILD EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...AND YET YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LIVE ON...
SADLY, FOR TOO MANY OF US EXPECTATIONS ARE:
WE WILL CARRY THIS PAIN AND SADNESS ENVELOPED IN THE DEEPEST PART OF OURSELVES THAT NO ONE ELSE WILL BE ABLE TO SEE OR HEAR IT MUCH....AND WE WILL KEEP THIS PAIN AND ANGUISH TO OURSELVES AND NEVER LET IT OUT....
FRIENDS AND FAMILY MAINTAIN A DISTANCE SO AS TO NOT BE AS AFFECTED BY OUR LOSS AND SADNESS TOO GREATLY THAT IT UPSETS THEIR SEEMINGLY PEACEFUL LIVES...
IT IS A RARE PERSON WHO CAN SIT BESIDE A BEREAVED/GRIEVING PARENT AND LET THEM TALK OR SHARE THEIR OWN STORIES OF THE CHILD WHO WAS...AND IS NO MORE...SHARING WITH STRANGERS YOUR DEEPEST FEELING OF LOSS AND INABILITY TO FULLY FUNCTION (MOSTLY JOKINGLY TO REMOVE THE STING) BECOMES THE NEW NORMAL...YOU NOTICE FRIENDS AND FAMILY (EVEN THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU) SEEM TO PULL AWAY...THE VISITS MORE SELDOM...THE REASONS FOR LESS INTERACTION BECOME MORE BENIGN AND EVENTUALLY ALTOGETHER MEANINGLESS...
EXPECTATIONS...OURS OR THEIRS THAT CREATE THE DISTANCE OR DEAFENING SILENCE?...THE GREAT DIVIDE BETWEEN THOSE WHO WERE ONCE CLOSE AND ARE NOW INEXPLICABLY SO FAR APART...
IS THE DISTANCE REAL OR IMAGINED?...HOW CAN WE KNOW FOR SURE IF NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT?...AND HOW DO YOU TALK ABOUT IT WITH PEOPLE WHO JUST AREN'T THERE?...
EXPECTATIONS...ARE WE EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM THEM IN THE WAY OF PATIENCE/ UNDERSTANDING AND COMPASSION?...OR ARE THEY EXPECTING TOO MUCH OF US TO NOT TALK ABOUT HIM/HER/THEM SO MUCH THAT THEY ARE NOT LEFT UNCOMFORTABLE AND SAD?...WHO SHOULD BE LOOKING OUT FOR WHOM HERE?...
EXPECTATIONS...SHOULDN'T THEY BE THAT WE ARE ALL LOOKING OUT FOR EACH OTHER?...
EXPECTATIONS...I'VE LEARNED TO TRY AND NOT TO HAVE ANY...
AS INFURIATING AS THAT IS FOR ME...I MOSTLY FEEL ITS FOR THE BEST...
FOR ME ANYWAY...
11 YEARS AGO THIS VERY WEEKEND TO THE DAY
EXPECTATIONS when a child is born and LIVES, the expectations are they will thrive and grow into fully functioning, fully formed, reasonably rational adults...parents of said child (one would hope) nurture and support and guide them through their early life decisions to make more informed choices and achieve some greater degree of success and happiness...
EXPECTATIONS are they are LOVED and CARED for by those around them throughout their lifetime...friends/family/teachers etc...as they grow EXPECTATIONS are that they make a LIFE for themselves beyond their parents sphere of influence and capabilities...but remain engaged on healthy levels of social interaction and family responsibilities...
EXPECTATIONS are the child goes on to learn in school and socialization with friends about caring and sharing, being there to help each other in times of need as well as in the day to day mundaneness of life...
EXPECTATIONS are that as we all grow there will be joy/sadness/love and loss...we learn to accept that LIFE is sometimes UNFAIR and seemingly sometimes downright CRUEL...as are people we meet along the way of our individual LIFE JOURNEY...
EXPECTATIONS and things are not always what they seem...sometimes friends/family become enemies and enemies become friends and family...some people expect unconditional love and loyalty from the instant they meet someone until death...some people expect they will never meet anyone of substance or the ability to instill faith/trust and hope of any sort of future...some people expect to die at a ripe old age and surrounded by friends and family and some people expect to die alone and miserable...
EXPECTATIONS are the child will LIVE LONG AND PROSPER...hopefully become independent and self sufficient and perhaps one day be there to care for the parents in old age or at the very least have an everlasting relationship built on mutual LOVE and RESPECT...one where they continue to share their lives as parent/child/friend and confidant...
EXPECTATIONS are unreliable creatures and are easily DASHED and DESTROYED from their very existence quite handily when the child DIES...
EXPECTATIONS DIE as quickly as the CHILD...
EXPECTATIONS VANISH INTO DUST...
you can NEVER expect to see the CHILD again walk through a door/smile and say hello/have a conversation with or share a hug or handshake...
you can NEVER again expect personal achievements such as graduations/great new jobs/engagements/weddings/starting or maintaining a family of their own...
EXPECTATIONS are you will feel the PAIN and HEARTACHE of the LOSS of YOUR CHILD EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...AND YET YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LIVE ON...
SADLY, FOR TOO MANY OF US EXPECTATIONS ARE:
WE WILL CARRY THIS PAIN AND SADNESS ENVELOPED IN THE DEEPEST PART OF OURSELVES THAT NO ONE ELSE WILL BE ABLE TO SEE OR HEAR IT MUCH....AND WE WILL KEEP THIS PAIN AND ANGUISH TO OURSELVES AND NEVER LET IT OUT....
FRIENDS AND FAMILY MAINTAIN A DISTANCE SO AS TO NOT BE AS AFFECTED BY OUR LOSS AND SADNESS TOO GREATLY THAT IT UPSETS THEIR SEEMINGLY PEACEFUL LIVES...
IT IS A RARE PERSON WHO CAN SIT BESIDE A BEREAVED/GRIEVING PARENT AND LET THEM TALK OR SHARE THEIR OWN STORIES OF THE CHILD WHO WAS...AND IS NO MORE...SHARING WITH STRANGERS YOUR DEEPEST FEELING OF LOSS AND INABILITY TO FULLY FUNCTION (MOSTLY JOKINGLY TO REMOVE THE STING) BECOMES THE NEW NORMAL...YOU NOTICE FRIENDS AND FAMILY (EVEN THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU) SEEM TO PULL AWAY...THE VISITS MORE SELDOM...THE REASONS FOR LESS INTERACTION BECOME MORE BENIGN AND EVENTUALLY ALTOGETHER MEANINGLESS...
EXPECTATIONS...OURS OR THEIRS THAT CREATE THE DISTANCE OR DEAFENING SILENCE?...THE GREAT DIVIDE BETWEEN THOSE WHO WERE ONCE CLOSE AND ARE NOW INEXPLICABLY SO FAR APART...
IS THE DISTANCE REAL OR IMAGINED?...HOW CAN WE KNOW FOR SURE IF NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT?...AND HOW DO YOU TALK ABOUT IT WITH PEOPLE WHO JUST AREN'T THERE?...
EXPECTATIONS...ARE WE EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM THEM IN THE WAY OF PATIENCE/ UNDERSTANDING AND COMPASSION?...OR ARE THEY EXPECTING TOO MUCH OF US TO NOT TALK ABOUT HIM/HER/THEM SO MUCH THAT THEY ARE NOT LEFT UNCOMFORTABLE AND SAD?...WHO SHOULD BE LOOKING OUT FOR WHOM HERE?...
EXPECTATIONS...SHOULDN'T THEY BE THAT WE ARE ALL LOOKING OUT FOR EACH OTHER?...
EXPECTATIONS...I'VE LEARNED TO TRY AND NOT TO HAVE ANY...
AS INFURIATING AS THAT IS FOR ME...I MOSTLY FEEL ITS FOR THE BEST...
FOR ME ANYWAY...
Expect that I will remain connected to you and to Jason.
ReplyDeleteExpect that I will love you and hold you, always, in your grief pain, as I know that you do for me.
Expect that as much as we HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE the reasons why, our kids brought us together, because it is less horrible for us together than it was ever for us apart.
Expect My Friendship, and Jim's, and Our Love.
<3 <3 <3 <3
~Bettie-Jeanne, Forever and Infinitely ALWAYS Robbie's mom <3