SO ANYWAY

Current mood: okay
Category: Life
SO ANYWAY, things happen/things change...

LIFE GOES ON...

people move in and out of your life in the blink of an eye it seems sometimes...if we are lucky, there remains a mark when they leave...a soft spot as they say, that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you think of someone you have been touched by...

family and friends can leave that mark relatively (no pun intended) easily...oddly (or maybe just to me) a coworker may leave the same kind of mark...there are times the workplace is such a hectic hotbed of activity people don’t have the time to get to know each other past a good morning in most cases...everyone is seemingly busy, busy, busy...or are we the ones that are too busy to notice others?...

after many years of many jobs I have been fortunate enough to have a few people impact my life to achieve the warm and fuzzy from time to time...names and places aren’t important it’s the memory of their face as they make that unforgettable impression on your heart...and in your head...a word or phrase or different outlook on a situation...timing is everything...you may not realize the person you spoke to this morning has said or done something you will carry with you the rest of your days...

they come from all walks of life from all over the globe...just to stay in your head and make you smile every time you think of them...take a moment and stop to think of the people you have passed today and still remember they got your attention...who were they and what made you notice them?...they are people you might think have happy and carefree lives...every waking moment a song waiting to be sung...you can picture them dancing through life and always smiling and happy...upbeat and perky as well...

while your smiling and feeling warm thinking of such people with such joy and zeal for life...imagine how they got that way...upbringing?...a plan for living that the rest of us know nothing about which adds to whatever makes us feel miserable a good deal of the time?...philosophy...faith...challenged mentally?...what is behind the exuberance and enthusiasm for living?...has this person ever known personal devastating tragedy a day in their life?...not possible, look how happy they are...sometimes the answer is...

YES...

THEY HAVE...

MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW...

I have met people who have suffered the most horrific tragedies and still have the ability to smile and treat each day as a gift...Holocaust Survivors...and non historical types of tragedies...murder/suicides/drug overdose...in my case things are bit more intense in terms of how I experience the pain, since for me it is FIRSTHAND...no emotional detachment or disconnect because it is someone else’s experience being told to me for the first or tenth time...this is my own...it is Jason...

Jason died, WITHOUT WARNING or EXPECTATION ...

SUDDENLY...FOR NO GOOD REASON...

JASON DIED...

yeah, I FEEL IT, THAT HARD MOST OF THE TIME...

NOT EVERYONE KNOWS THE DEPTH OF MY PAIN

ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE SEEN IT and FELT it as I have felt it...

as bad you think it can be, it is certainly far worse than you can ever imagine...it is not an experience you would wish for believe me...

I am seemingly better these days than I have been in the past...looking forward to a future where I can be HAPPY...

WITH ALL THAT HAS GONE BEFORE... THESE PAST 15 MONTHS HAVE BEEN INTENSELY INTERESTING TO SAY THE LEAST...

while there is a good deal of it I feel I could have done without...something has been happening in me that makes me want to stick around and see what else might be in store...for myself and others in the future that lies ahead...for all of us...my new and ever extending family is in for some amazing times ahead...with any luck they will be for the most part HAPPIER times...there will always be some good and bad in a certain mix of some kind no matter what...but that’s how life works with or without our approval...

I will continue as close as I can to how I would be if it weren’t for the recent changes...

the sometimes spontaneous/quiet/wacky/reserved/happy go lucky/standoffish/quirky guy at work...that might just be remembered warmly by a coworker in the future...the people who have been harshly touched by life I have been privileged to know...they are the ones who inspire me to move forward every single day...sometimes I get the privilege of telling them that they made a difference in my life...it is not a prerequisite to have suffered a horrendous loss for someone to have an effect on me or my life...sometimes it just works out that way...

lately I have been meeting people that have no idea how my life has been FOREVER ALTERED...they have not had a personal tragedy impact them or their lives...but they have made that mark in my heart and in my head that will make me feel that warm and fuzzy when I think of them and the conversations or funny moments we have shared...no matter which way the encounter turns, whether I share with them or not the events of the past 15 months I still make a point of thanking them for the time together or telling them I feel good about having shared the moment with them...sometimes people don’t need to know why you appreciate them...it’s nice enough to just let them know you do...let them wonder...